Public Policy Major FAQ

I sat down with one of the sponsors of the motion to establish a major in Public Policy to ask some pressing questions. Here are his responses.

Q: Does the motion create death panels?

A: No.

Q: How can you support a motion that creates death panels? Doesn't that make you a Nazi?

A: I do not support such a motion. I am not a Nazi.

Q: But here on page 36 of the motion it clearly states, and I quote, "Death panels will be established."

A: There is no page 36. The motion has only one page.

Q: But my point is, is there anything in the motion that guarantees that there will be no death panels in the future?

A: Um, no, but...

Q: So you admit there MIGHT be death panels?

A: Um...

Q: Didn't Adolph Hitler major in Public Policy?

A: I don't know. Er, can we move to a different topic?

Q: Sure. Tell me this, is the Public Policy major just a public policy option, or is it a public policy mandate?

A: Finally, some reasonable questions. The Public Policy major is just an option. No one will be required to major in Public Policy.

Q: But what is there to guarantee that the Public Policy major won't drive other majors out of business, so that eventually no one will have any choice but to major in Public Policy. Isn't that the real threat here?

A: In principle yes, that might be a problem. But we have intentionally designed the major to be so weak and uninteresting that most students will choose to major in something else. We estimate that only five percent of students will want to major in Public Policy.

Q: Still, isn't it true that 41 percent of the faculty representing the smallest departments on campus will refuse to support any Public Policy major, even if it is optional?

A: That is a possibility. We are exploring an alternative in which we create a large number of floating Public Policy study groups that aren't really majors but give students the illusion that they are doing something valuable with their time.

Q: Well, that's not going to fly. Sounds like socialism to me. One last question: will illegal immigrants be allowed to major in Public Policy?

A: No, the motion specifically prohibits illegal immigrants from majoring in Public Policy.

Q: You lie!